Thursday, May 26, 2011

Mobile talks and lies

Mobile phones are everywhere. You are in a bus and suddenly you hear “enna da maaplai”. You think of all the affairs you’ve ever had since you started being on your own and turn around, only to find that some joker is talking to his friend in his mobile. What a relief! One can’t express it. Really! You need to be there. There are times when we hear people talking with the Bluetooth headset on. What a pity! Getting people’s stare in one issue there; but people getting genuinely concerned over the mental health of the Bluetooth guy is entirely different. Are they even aware that the people standing around are actually holding their urge to call a mental asylum, at bay? Let the divine force be with thee! There are other extreme cases where area names get changed. The other day, a co-passenger was telling “Yes machi, I am in CIT Nagar.”

I looked outside and started wondering if sterling road had come to be known as T. Nagar. What more? His “machi” is waiting in Saidapet. At least tell a decent lie dude! Any moment now he is going to know that, wherever you are, you are definitely not in CIT Nagar. The “machi” called again in 10 minutes (I can see Valluvar Kottam now) and had apparently found out that his friend is lying (Who wouldn’t? Get trained to lie, friend). Our friend goes something like this

“Machi, Nejama da.. Traffic da” (Really man, There is heavy traffic here)

Silence

“Idho Hundai showroom kooda irukku” (I can see the Hundai showroom)

Now here comes the thing of traffic. Whatever you do that results in delay, you can blame it on traffic (well not “whatever” literally, but many thing, yes, traffic comes handy big time). Here are the common traffic points that people usually say. Anna arch, Nelson Manikkam road, guindy, thirumangalam, CIT nagar (genuinely yes, our friend has a point!). But now with CMRL (Chennai Metro Rail Limited) occupying beastly volumes of spaces on arterial roads, you can blame it on traffic without a second thought!

Fifteen minutes later his phone rings again and our friend fails to pick up the call. He knows what he is about to hear. Look at the understanding! “Nanben da..” ;)

T. Nagar signal shows red and I get down and get walking to the bus terminus. My phone rings now.

Mom - “Enga da irukkae? En late?” (Where are you, Why are you late?)

Me - “Amma.. sterling road la traffic ma”

Did I miss Sterling road in the list?! Well, you can add it!

“Nejamave. Ippo than bus guindy-la irrukku. Inga kooda sema traffic.” (I am not lying, I am still held up in the traffic in Guindy!)

And the story goes on…….

Thursday, March 24, 2011

In my right senses...

Recently, on a single day, two incidents happened, that could largely suggest that I’ve gone out of my senses. I don’t know if it is entirely my fault in these incidents. By making this public I intend to say that I am perfectly alright and well oriented! Description is mine; interpretation is choice.

Incident 1:

Getting ten people together is very difficult than setting them up on individual dates according to their taste! Trust me. All the colleagues of our lab had planned to go out for a dinner for the New Year (which was three months before, by the way). After three months of clashing dates, we finally landed up on some Wednesday. Apparently it got postponed too! We were planning to go on Thursday (the next day). I communicated this to one of my female colleagues and here is the conversation.

Me - “Hey, I don’t think we can go out on Wednesday, someone has got work”

She – “Oh that’s bad.. So when are we going?”

“I just thought we can go out on Thursday”

“Okay. I don’t have a problem.”

Wicked! I changed my mind. Let me see what she says. I would love to see the bewildered reaction on her face when she hears me!

“Hey I mean not the others.. only you and me. Can we go for dinner on Thursday?”

A happy sun rising, a garden of flowers unfolding, a thousand birds chirping, a million bells ringing, flying high high high in the air for the supposed “date” – not so fast buddy! On hearing the reply, someone was really bewildered. I suppose I must’ve had a mirror to see that person.

What I got as reply was not surprise, anger, confusion or happiness (okay the last one is too far!). It was humour! She laughed like I had just cracked the best joke of an entire lifetime. And what still baffles me is the reaction time! It was almost an entirely involuntary, heartfelt laughter.

Well I emptied the place as an emergency effect and before I went to my seat, people were talking about “Siddhart’s asking out mishap”. News travels faster than people. Thanks!

Incident 2:

After a serious debate like discussion on the differences between machines that can virtually see (as “see” in humans) and the eyes that can actually see, I came about to drink water. I was re-doing the highlights of the conversation in my mind and involuntarily started making animated gestures in the air.

The visual system has photon detector (both fists in the air, thumbs facing me), the neurons carry the impulses to the brain (hand moves towards me) and based on some synchronized activation of various cells (hand waving in the air), we reconstruct the images. In a virtual seeing scenario, the images are detected by detectors (both fists in the air, thumb end facing me) and the images are compared to an existing database (left palm stretched out, placing right palm over the left and removing as in “not matching…, next one pls; not matching…, next one pls”) where there is some kind of a template matching and the best fit is given as result. While seeing new things new information is added to both the databases (nodding head, as if I am agreeing to myself). But the catch lies in fool proofing the system (pointing finger in air, as when giving strict instructions). While the visual system is beautifully fool proofed (brows curved in, as in thinking) the machines cannot have the intelligence to match a horribly distorted face/object to the perfection that its database has. (Hands move in the air as in “there you go, gotcha!”)

Now do all this without reading the ones in italics. A student caught me doing exactly that, near the water cooler. She was decent enough to hide any expression she was ready to show in her face and walked off. I started walking towards the library, this time without any animations in me.

“She must’ve thought I am insane”

“No, I am not insane”

“I am perfectly well”

“I am perfectly sane”

“All is well with me”

Oh god! I forgot to italicize the last three lines; and so exactly I forgot to talk in mind. I was saying this aloud, not audible enough, but mumbling! I frantically looked around and noticed another student walking towards me. I smiled. She smiled back. Damn. Damn. Damn.

But actually this is funny, isn’t it?! Doing random actions in air, talking to oneself, students thinking I am getting weird...

I started smiling to myself and opened the library door. Do I need to say that people saw me smiling to myself? Well the library was packed and I opened the door so loudly (not expecting to see people at the neck of closing hours), that almost everyone saw me smiling to myself.

Effectively, a girl laughed when I asked her out, people saw me doing animations to no one, talking to myself, laughing with imaginary friends! Should I prove them that I am still sane? Whaaaaaaaaaa! Big deal! Well, that’s mind voice again. :)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

What a poetry!

Recently I came across this following song of Mahakavi Bharathiyar where he praises Lord Murugan in his own way. Never mind the language if it is too difficult, you can get a picture of what the poet wants to say.

வில்லினை ஒத்த புருவம் வளைத்தனை வேலவா! - அங்கோர்
வெற்பு நொறுங்கிப் பொடிப் பொடியானது வேலவா!
சொல்லினைத் தேனில் குழைத்து உரைப்பாள் சிறு வள்ளியைக் - கண்டு
சொக்கி மரமென நின்றனை தென்மலைக் காட்டிலே

கல்லினை யொத்த வலிய மனங்கொண்ட பாதகன் - சிங்கன்
கண்ணிரண்டு ஆயிரங் காக்கைக்கு இரையிட்ட வேலவா!
பல்லினைக் காட்டிவெண் முத்தைப் பழித்திடும் வள்ளியை - ஒரு
பார்ப்பனக் கோலம் தரித்துக் கரந்தொட்ட வேலவா!

வெள்ளலைக் கைகளைக் கொட்டி முழங்கும் கடலினை - உடல்
வெம்பி மறுகிக் கருகிப் புகைய வெருட்டினாய்.
கிள்ளை மொழிச்சிறு வள்ளியெனும் பெயர்ச் செல்வத்தை - என்றும்
கேடற்ற வாழ்வினை, இன்ப விளக்கை மருவினாய்.

கொள்ளை கொண்டே அமராவதி வாழ்வு குலைத்தவன் - பானு
கோபன் தலைபத்துக் கோடி துணுக்குறக் கோபித்தாய்
துள்ளிக் குலாவித் திரியுஞ் சிறு வன மானைப்போல் - தினைத்
தோட்டத்தி லேயொரு பெண்ணை மணங்கொண்ட வேலவா!

In one of his marvellous poems Bharathi vividly describes two extreme kinds of emotions in alternate lines. While the first two lines describe the courage of Muruga, the warrior, commander, fighter, the next two lines completely catch us off guard by telling about Muruga, the lover-boy who desperately tries to woo his love. Again in the next two lines Murugan’s valour is described as he unleashes his aggression in front of Surapadman, the demon who causes havoc in earth. The next two lines again describe the naughty, prankster who flirts with Valli in the mountain forests. As you travel through the poet and visualise the imageries of the poem, you are caught between two radically opposite feelings - the one of aggression/violence and the one of romance/love. This vaguely reminds me of the “Adhiradi” song from Sivaji when in one frame of the song, Rajni has Shriya in one of his arms and in the next frames takes a guitar case to shoot the enemies! Now, that brings splendid portrayal of heroism into the picture. What heroism Shankar achieved with all the grand set, Rajni’s presence, Shriya’s glamour and Rahman’s music, this poet communicated exactly the same heroism, with his pen and imagination. The beauty does not lie in the description of the complex scenes of war or in the mild scenes of romance – this anyone who calls himself a poet would be able to achieve. The real beauty lies in the poet’s choice of placing the episodes in expert amalgamation! Had the first stanza praised Murugan as warrior and the second Murugan in romance, the impact would have been different altogether probably. Literary experts might (if at all) give a name to this kind of poetry rendition; but as layman, without any knowledge of literature, the effect of such a poetry is simply great. Under what genre would you place this? Romance? War? Herioism? Bhakthi? There could be only one genre for this and that is “poetry”!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

என் வலைபக்கமும் நானும் (My Blog and Me)

வெகு நாட்களாக இந்த பக்கமே வராத என்னை பார்த்து என் வலை பக்கம் கோவித்து கொள்வதாவது:

கவிபாடி என்னை போற்றும்படியோ கேட்டேன் - அல்ல
புவியே எனைக்கண்டு வியக்கவோ விழைந்தேன் - இந்த
அவைதனிலே என்னகென இடமொன்று கேட்டேன் - அதையும்
பாவி நீ கொடுக்க மறுத்தாய்

காலையில் அலுவலுக்கு பணிந்தாய் நிசியில் ஒரு
காலை உறக்கத்தில் கழித்தாய் ஒரு நாழிகை
காலும் எனைநினைக்க மறுத்தாய் இன்றோ உன்
காலை பார்த்தபடி என்முன் நிற்கிறாய்

படைத்தலைவன் ஒருவன் துயில் கொண்டாற்போல் - எனக்கு
தடைபோட்டு என்னை மறந்த சிறியோனே - ஆலவாய்
சடையோனுக்கு பன்மணி பூஷணங்கள் அழகோ - இந்த
மடையனுக்கு வலைபக்கமொன்று தான் கேடோ?

My blog is cross with me. Here it dedicates these verses in my praise!

Little did I demand poetic verses
Little did I demand the world's attention
A steady update is all I ask
You don't meet even this basic expectation!

Work keeps you busy in mornings
The latter part of the day is gone in sleeping
When did you even think of me? When I ask this
today you bow down your head in shame!

Like a warrior who takes a nap (in war)
You took a sabbatical forgetting me
What use is jewellery to the (Ascetic) Lord Siva
What use is a blog to a git like you!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Little talks and bus friendships

It was one of those few days when you have the right to call yourself lucky because you don’t always get a seat in a Chennai city bus during the peak hours! There was a slightly elderly looking person sitting next to me. As the bus pulled out of T.Nagar bus stand and turned left after the CIT Nagar bus stop, this co-passenger turned to me and started a conversation.

“Where does this road lead to?” he asked me, pointing to the CIT Nagar First Main road that joins Mount road at the Hyundai showroom.

“To mount road..” I didn’t want to suffix “uncle”. He looked too old for that!

“No, Not the one we are going in now.. That road..” he said again pointing to CIT Nagar first Main road.

“Oh yes.. It is that road that goes to mount road too! But it is a “one way traffic” there. Vehicles can only enter from Mount road.”

“Oh.. okay..” (Some random “useless government” sort of remarks for “making half the roads one ways” follow)

Meanwhile a conversation had started in my mobile with one of my friends. I was typing text messages with my usual rigour. Through the corner of my eyes I was able to see, rather feel, my co-passenger (CP from now) trying to peep into my mobile. I typed faster and jabbed the “send” button and quickly turned to see my CP quickly avert his gaze from my mobile.

“You young people type messages so fast! Some do it with both hands. I never get the speed!”

I was slightly taken aback and gave a blank expression. I managed to say

“It is nothing. Just practice”

“No really, when I start typing……”I really did not pay attention to what he was saying till I heard the word “MS Excel”. That was curious!

“Pardon. What did you just say?” I wanted to ask “In what context did you just now say Excel?

“ ‘Excel’ thambi. You haven’t heard about it? Do you know what it is?”

If I tell yes, there would be no fun. Imagining Prof. Seshasayee’s (who taught us statistics in Excel for four full months!) exasperated expression I said

“No.. What is it?”

“It is used to do accounts. I use it most of the times. In it if you type ‘Ak’ it completes the word as ‘Akash associates’ and you can do a lot of tally in that. I was telling that if such a feature is available in mobiles it would be great.”

I smiled. My mobile beeped with a reply to the text message I had just sent. I lifted my right leg and almost hid my mobile under the knees and gave a quick reply. CP was staring at my knees, which had graciously hidden my mobile from his prying eyes! He smiled and said,

“I really feel jealous when I see you guys typing messages so fast. I couldn’t have even read the message in the time you were done with the whole reading and replying”

Now what was that for? I gave a “younster –still-good boy” kind of a smile and turned to look out through the window. My mobile beeped again. This time the message I received demanded a detailed reply. I started texting the reply. My legs involuntarily dropped to the floor. When I was almost done, I heard,

“The font is too small. I can’t even read. I think I’ll need my glasses!”

With an unbelievable expression I turned to look at CP. He had not only tried to peep into a third person’s mobile, but was actually feeling bad that he was not able to read clearly. That and without the teeniest hint of guilt! I stopped smiling and had a grim face. We had almost reached guindy now. How fast time had gone today! CP was not done yet!

Thambi. What do you do? Where do you work?” I hate it when people refer to me as thambi and this was the second time in 15 minutes.

“Optometrist at Sankara Nathralaya. Also, junior researcher there.”

“Oh that is nice. What is optometrist by the way. The ones who give glasses, right?”

“yes and those responsible for diagnosing eye disorders and treating a few of them”

“And what kind of research do you do”

“Visual psychophysics and cataract” and that would be the end;

I would need to pull in a lot of details if this conversation had taken place. I was in no mood for public relations. I had a simple alternative.

“I am a software engineer” I replied and imagined myself writing codes the way I would never write if I had been writing them for myself!

“Oh good. Which company? BPO or software company”

Oh my god! I was not prepared for this question. Wipro, TCS, CTS, Infosys, HCL, IBM.

“Private concern!” I blurted out. If he asks where it is I’ll tell it is in Pune and I am here to visit my aunt.

I never had to tell that. That is another Murphy’s Law – When you are prepared for something, the preparation always goes waste! My mobile beeped again. That was big, big sms that time. By the time the sender’s name came I forgot what the first line was. Meanwhile CP had started peeking and I was getting irked. What worse?!~ He started talking. Somewhere inside my brain, there were generous visual, auditory and consciousness inputs. The roads to the attention center got all berserk and it went in to a state of hibernation, completely giving up. I didn’t understand the message I was reading, couldn’t hear what CP was talking, couldn’t adjust my aching leg that was veiling my mobile from unwanted stares. With a final warning like expression, I turned to CP and asked him to excuse me for a minute. I was done with typing my reply message and CP started talking again! Like Mohammad Gazini! What stamina!

“You are a software professional! So how do you think the software profession is coming up in Singapore? Is it okay to stay there or come back?”

I gave him a look completely devoid of expression. I didn’t know if I had to laugh or cry. Wasn’t he seeing my disinterest or pretending to be immune?

“Well, if company is paying your bill anything is right! You know..” I knew I was starting it afresh; but this time I had a plan. “..It also depends on where you stay! It should be comfortable and safe.. Singapore is a nice place to be in..” My mobile rang with one of my friends’ name flashing on the screen. “Just a sec..” I told CP and turned towards the crowded part of the bus.

“Hi machi.. long since you called! Whatssup then?” I started talking, gratefully remembering the last text message I had sent

“Cal immdtly”

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

நாசமாய் போவதற்கு நான்கு வழி (Four ways to ruin yourself)

Sunday mornings are always the boring kind. You have a whole week ahead. You could freak out with your friends. You could just do the “cleaning shelf” work that has been due for, say since the time you were in school! You could search this long lost document of “great importance” that was last seen during the mughal era. Or...... you could prepare for a presentation that is due the next day, that is to say, the Monday morning!

Aha... now that’s the most important part and that’s exactly where the procrastination starts! How is so much time lost so easily?!? I mean it looks so amazing that 24 hours (okay let’s forget the 10 hours in the morning and the one hour in the night that goes off in the most blissful thing in this universe, sleeping) is gone in one pooh, just like that, like the snap of your finger! Before you get up from your bed, the morning is over and before you think of lunch it’s past lunch time! Being alone in the home, the next hour goes in cooking and lunch is over. By the time you realise that the day has progressed considerably, it’s evening and you have just a few hours to prepare for your talk. After a lot of hasty rushing, you prepare a few slides and “take a break” (no smiling here). The F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series in your DVD is too irresistible and the “break” is extended, out of proportion, obviously. Dinner time is thoroughly enjoyable with “kofee with Anu” and “Neeya Naana” (each program lasts for about an hour). Finally when the time comes to “get back to work”, you remember that you haven’t checked mail since morning! What an offense, what a sin! Gmail stares at you with Inbox(1). The only new mail is regarding “a so and so”, who has sent you request to join “a so and so social networking”. Just when you are about to sign off, you see your overseas buddy online and send a “hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” and that is that! The climax does not have any surprises. The usual one – another Sunday wasted. With this as the base, here I start a whole new scientific model on “four easy ways to go ruined”:

1. Watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series when you have a whole lot of work ahead

2. Watch koffee with Anu and Neeya Naana when you evidently have other better jobs to do

3. Prepare your lunch at home, when the option of buying food from hotel is very much open

4. Meet your buddy online and start chatting

Here you go! Your Sunday is gone. There is nothing amazing in it, it’s all so simple! J

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I get the best - Even bad days!

Me - “I want the corner seat”

Him - “No I want it!”

Me – “You sat there yesterday. Today it is my turn!”

The teacher entered the class. I gave up! I Glared at him and grudgingly occupied the place next to him.

Me – “You are encroaching into my area”

We had drawn a thick line with chalk to divide the area between us. Strictly business! The partition line we had drawn on the “sitting table” had got partly rubbed off and there was a clear chalk piece line on his blue school uniform.

“Okay” he said and moved his butt a few inches

I still envied him, sitting in the corner seat, a seat that was rightfully mine that day and I couldn’t accept defeat simply. The social science teacher continued with her boring class. I pushed his pen down the table and pretended like I did not know how a pen looked like! But he knew how his pen fell down and he was someone who would not accept defeat easily either. He glared at me. I gave an innocent look and started sleeping in the class as usual. After the teacher left the room, he took my pen and threw it down. Now that was situation there! I reached out to the nearest property that was his and threw it down. A book was lying on the floor. He did the same. I saw my pencil box in the air. As a looked at my items (a piece of rubber, one pen with a broken nib, one tiny pencil, one BMW car photo, one shakthiman photo stuck to the inside of the box cover, a roadside pebble that I thought had a unique shape), anger started boiling inside me. I took his pencil box and threw it against the wall. It an impressive move as his things went flying in all directions. A few minute of verbal abuse followed this incident and very easily we had to arrive at a concurrence. If I was the bright one with the sympathy of all the teachers, he was the tough and smart one who knew what should be done and what should not be. We parted with dignity-outwardly. After a lot of contemplation, I took back my contents from the floor. He did the same I guess! He changed his place the very next day. Fortunately, after two months he got shifted to another section! I decided I should never see him.

10 years later..

“Mom! No mood to go to office.”

“So you are taking leave? Can’t you tell this yesterday? I wouldn’t have got up early to prepare your lunch”

“I am going! I cant afford to take leave. I’ll go in bus”

“What kind of a shirt is this? You look like you’ve been unemployed”

“I told you no mood! Can’t search for a better clothing!”

“Atleast comb your hair”

“Mom, forget it, please”

With mom’s love in the lunch box as three boxes of lunch and snacks and an old shirt and unkempt hair, I started to my office that fine morning. I knew I looked like the typical unemployed graduate.

As I was standing on the bus stop I saw a very attractive bike. It was a Yamaha Fazer, a rich blue, with the words “Yes, I’ve got an attitude!” at the rear. I got my bus and it was very crowded as usual. I could not get into it and contented myself by standing on the second foot-board. At the next stop I did the typical “erangi erardhu”. Here again, I saw the blue fazer. He was trying to overtake the bus from left and had to stop as passengers started getting down. As I looked up to see who was riding the bike, I saw someone in a smart t-shirt and nice jeans. He gave me a very strange, curious look and hearing the “double right” I hastily got into the bus. The bus had almost started moving. The fazer man somehow looked very familiar to me. Only when I was nearing the office did I realise who it was! Yes, he was same person who had thrown my pencil box down 10 years ago.

What a bad way to encounter someone whom you had decided never again to see in your life. For a moment I imagined myself running behind him trying to prove that my present situation was not as bad as he had seen me in! I was living a decent life and was studying to get a degree that would be the highest for an academician! That day was just a wrong sample. By the end of the day, my mind had imbibed the incident.

At such a helpless situation, I cheered myself up saying that thing which losers, criminals, those with a vain-attitude would often say.

“What I am going to prove to him. I don’t care a damn about what the world would say! It’s only my attitude about me that counts”

Ennathha senju tholaikkai?!?(What else can one do?!?)

Followers