Cleanliness!

I happened to wake up in midnight for you-know-what and when I walked past the kitchen I heard this conversation. I must say it was really creepy at first. But I mustered up my courage and decided to overhear the talk.

“I missed you”

“I missed you too”

“You can’t imagine my condition before you came into me. I used to be in a dishevelled state. But once I met you everything changed. I am more presentable now. I got a new meaning for myself. What would I be without you! Promise me you will never leave me. I simply cannot live without you.”

“Oh honey. I promise. Whatever happens I will stay with you till the last fibre of PVC remains in me.”

“Oh I love you!”

“I love you too”

PVC? What? I gathered a little more courage and peeped into the kitchen. I was stunned to discover that, this intimate conversation was between the kitchen and the new trash bin I had bought. Looking back I realized that I had lived in a house without a trash bin for the past 7 months and I must admit this - after getting this trash bin, my kitchen does look a lot better!

So I came with the following tips on the general etiquette for a house which have to be followed by its inhabitants.

Tip 1 - Every house MUST have a trash bin. This trash has to be brought out once a week or as frequently as it demands. Do not wait for the stale smell from the trash.

Tip 2 - Clothes cannot just lie around. Tip – Use the under-arm-smell-test (a very subjective test, but works well most of the times) for the shirts and classify them as

                                  To be washed

                                       To be pressed

                     Can wait to be washed

Every cloth must undergo this test. They cannot be abandoned on the floor or the sofa or the bed or the window or the room doors. One fine morning when you are running late already, you will realize that all your shirts have a repulsive odour.

Tip 3 - Wash the coffee cup immediately after you finish drinking your coffee. The longer you leave the cup on the floor, the more difficult cleaning becomes.

Tip 4 - Vegetable waste cannot be dumped down the drain. They clog the drain big time. They should be disposed into the trash bin. (Refer Tip 1)

Tip 5 - If there is a foul smell emanating from the kitchen, the source of the smell needs to be found. The smell of garbage over time is not a bell shaped function; on the contrary it is an exponential function from which there is no escape! (Refer tip 1 for garbage disposal)

Tip 6 - Cleaning your house and arranging your stuff in an orderly manner does not make you Monica or Sheldon. Besides, living in messy house is often frowned upon.

Happy living! Loka samastha sukhino bavanthu! 

Anecdote!

Bored young NRI enters the supermarket in the town he is employed

Searches for dhal in the pulses section

He is not able to find what is called “kadalai paruppu” in home (Bengal gram)

Looks around frustrated

Finds a young Indian girl, smiles and asks for help

Young Indian girl helps him find it

They run into each other the following week again and acknowledge each other with a smile

They run into each other at the taxi station two days later and start conversing

They become friends and a fairy tale begins

Reality

Bored young NRI enters the supermarket in the town he is employed

Searches for dhal in the pulses section

He is not able to find what is called “kadalai paruppu” in home (Bengal gram)

Looks around frustrated

Finds a young Indian girl, smiles tentatively and wonders if he can ask for help

Girl gets freaked out and disappears

They run into each other the following week again and the girl does not even notice him

They run into each other at the taxi station two days later; the girl gives him an angry look; the man starts wondering if the girl is suspecting him of being a stalker

Man gets freaked out and vows never to smile to an unknown girl ever again in a foreign land!

At a friend's marriage

Friendship is a great thing to have. Everybody thinks “en friend-a pola yaaru machan”. After sitting next to the same person for about two years, you get to know about each other more than you would wish to disclose. You get to fight really bad, become the partners in crime and those few days when your neighbour is absent to school, you are bored like hell. At the end of the school life, you realise that you had been friends all along! Then on the farewell day, the promise of being in touch comes by. For the next few years, through the college life, the circle grows little bigger and you still hangout together. You join work and for a few months there is absolutely no contact.

Out of the blue, this person calls you and says he is getting married. You had been together in most of the tough times till now. How would one let his friend take this punishment of marriage, alone? So you are all geared up to attend the marriage. On the day of the reception you go early and be with him when he gets ready. Many new people come to the dressing room – friends from his work life and you are introduced to those complete strangers. The reception starts and he gives grateful looks at us for being there at this important juncture of his life! So there he is, on the stage with his wife, welcoming the guests and there you are in the midst of complete strangers. We discuss general topics first and those guys get lost discussing platforms like Java and windows. The only platform you are aware of is the railway platform, at the maximum, platform93/4 of King’s cross!

When your thoughts start drifting away, you see familiar faces – people who studied in other sections of the same class from the school. Then you remember “before the two years this fellow spent with me, he had spent 10 years in some other section”. There are greetings of “Hi Siddhart, how are you?” The real trouble starts only now. You do not know their names. The face is so familiar, but the name – not even worth a try! It would have been great if the conversation had started as “hey I’ve seen you in prince school but forgot ur name” rather than “Hi Siddhart,How are you?” You get involved in the conversation just to be abreast with the names of the people you are conversing with. Red shirt – so and so; Scene party – so and so; latest arrival – so and so; there is also an instance when you fix a person with a name and just when you are sure of your guess, a new arrival greets someone else with the name you had given to this person! Phew, that was close; When all these things are running in your mind someone exclaims “hey look, so and so is coming”. I look in the direction as everyone and notice someone with a familiar face and checked shirt coming. He greets everyone, notices me and says “Hi Siddhart”. This time I am prepared and I say “Hi so and so”. With a sullen face he says “I am not so and so, I am ‘this and this’ and the so and so you are talking about, could not find the address and I just brought him along!” there it goes and everyone breaks out laughing! Suddenly the attention turns all towards you and everyone wants to know if you got their name right. Now this is easy. You point at people - red shirt (saying this in your mind) so and so, Scene party so and so, Latest arrival so and so, checked shirt so and so. Having passed this test, you give a sigh of relief and before the sigh has left your lungs, a new person joins and the crowd says “hey nobody call out his name, let’s see if Siddhart gets him right”.

I quit!

If you attend a close friend’s marriage, make sure you are acquainted with at least a few of his other friends! 

சென்னையில் பெய்த மழை

வருடிச் சென்ற குளிர்காற்று

வானம் வாழ்த்திய நல்மழை 

முகமெல்லாம் முத்தமிட்ட மழைச்சாரல் 

மனதெல்லாம் புரண்டோடிய உன் நினைவுகள்..................!

A humble message to parents

His eyes were still trying to get used to the light in the world. He gave a tiny squeak and closed his eyes resigning into what he would be deprived of in all his life, sleep. Oblivious to the stare from the elders, the gold chain adorning his delicate neck and all the celebration around him he continued to sleep. It is not every other day that a new member joins the family. As he slept, the mother looked at him with all her love and said “Look, Krishna has come home!” Every neighbour and relative, some long lost and almost forgotten, visited the parents and unanimously seemed to agree with the mom; and there starts the journey of the little one.

On the first Krishna Jayanthi after the child started walking, the poor feet were dipped in rice-flour-paint. The little one finished the daunting task (for the mother of course) of drawing “Krishna feet” in almost 2 minutes. The impression of the feet on the floor, however distorted due to the uneven walk of the little one, looked beautiful to the parents. He was dressed like Krishna and from somewhere in the neighbourhood, the mom found a gopika and photos were taken with the innocent kid holding the flute wondering if he should hit someone with it and the gopika giving expressions of blushing. Again, completely oblivious to what was happening around! Everyone who saw the photograph said that it was cute.

Then the kid grew up to become a teenager. He got himself a mobile phone. He started having night outs, night studies and of course, exchanged numbers with people of opposite gender strictly for educational purposes; girls are good at having log of the deadlines, being attentive in the class and stuff like that. But somewhere around this time, all of a sudden someone removed the Krishna out of him. He ceased being Krishna and got demoted to a human – a normal male teenager, when in reality this was time when he actually started being Krishna! The same mother who said “Krishna has come” now goes to his dad with complaints like “its 11.30 in the night and he is speaking to someone in the phone. I am sure it is a girl.” “That day I saw our boy with that girl in his bike.” “Our son is exchanging looks with the girl next door and she is giving him blushing looks.”

At this point of the journey, we stop for a moment and think. You know mom, this is not fair. I think you have a little confusion between Krishna and Ram. You were the one who told me the stories of Ramayana and Mahabharata; you ought to know better than me in this regard. Ram is supposed to be the Maryaadha Purushotham. Not Krishna. You can be a little more generous in the “numbers” with Krishna. Now conveniently, Krishna becomes famous for his Bhagavat gita. Moms have this little habit of reporting incidents of Krishna’s childhood and directly fast-forwarding the story to Bhagavat Gita! Krishna never had an adolescence or what? If it had not been for television and books, your adolescent boy would ask “Raslila? What Raslila?”

Whatever…! I just have a message to say to all the parents. Next time you see your dear boy flirting/dating, bring the above picture to your mind and feel happy that in the real picture in front of your eyes, there are not so many girls.

And if you do see so many girls, feel proud that your boy has at last become Krishna all by himself! Not many guys get to be in the place of your son! :)

கல்லூரி நாட்கள் - Getting Nostalgic

சொல்லி சொல்லி கொடுத்த பின்பும் புயலவில்லை நூலறிவு
சொல்லாமல் வந்தது இந்த நட்பு என்னும் பொன்னுறவு

அழிவு பாதை செல்லினும் கை கோர்த்து நடந்தோம்
அச்சுறுத்தும் தேர்வுகளிலும் சிரித்து சிரித்து மகிழ்ந்தோம்

சோலையில் பூக்கும் பூக்கள் போல் சிறகடித்து பறக்கும் பறவைகள் போல்
சிதறி கிடக்கும் விண்மீன் போல் இனிமையானதோர் கூட்டம்

கூடத்தில் ஒரு எட்டப்பன் இருந்தாலும் அவனையும் வெறுத்ததில்லை
கூடி இருக்கையில் இளிச்சவாயனையும் விட்டுக் கொடுத்ததில்லை

அன்று சிரித்து சிரித்து களித்து திரிந்த நினைவுகள் கோடி
அதை ரசித்து விழுந்த கண்ணீரை இன்று கண்கள் மறைக்கும் மூடி

"இதோ இங்கு தான்" என்ற கதை கூறும் இடங்கள் ஓர் ஆயிரம்
"அன்று தான்" என்று சலித்து கொள்ளும் நாட்களும் ஆயிரம்

வேதனைகள் வந்தாலும் தீயதொன்று நினைத்ததில்லை
வானர படை என்றாலும் வன்முறை வழி கண்டதில்லை

கண் மூடி திறக்கும் முன் ஓடியது இந்த நான்காண்டு காவியம்
காலம் பல கடந்தாலும் அழியாது இந்த ஓவியம்

முன்னொரு நாள் "என் பெயர்" என்று தொடங்கிய நம் பேச்சு
மூன்றாம் வீட்டு கதை வரை பேசிய காலமும் கடந்தாச்சு

பல ஆண்டுகள் நகரும்; காலங்கள் மாறும்; கல்லுரி கூட்டம் ஒன்று பார்க்க நேரும்
புன்னகை ஒன்று மலரும், சிந்தனை அலைகளில் நெஞ்சமெனும் தோணி மிதக்கும்

கனத்த மூச்சு ஒன்று காற்றோடு கலக்கும், தூங்கிய நினைவுகள் சோம்பல் முறிக்கும்
கண்முன்னே அந்த நாட்களின் நிழற்படம் இன்னொரு முறை ஓடி சிரிக்கும்

Starved student and a dedicated professor

It was yet another boring session for Raman. He was literally tired of sending out sms, passing chits and even yawning. He did not even bother to listen to any of what he was being taught. “I must never become a professor” he thought as he saw the muted film that he was witnessing in his classroom. All he could think of was “How can someone be so devotedly, consistently boring for almost a semester”. He wouldn’t have minded these lectures had the professor not been over-shooting on his time, his lunch time. The time was 12.40. The class must have been over ten minutes earlier. He could only think of Ramya’s poori and Kalpana’s Pulav. “Two pooris must have reached my stomach now. I won’t get more.” He thought and text-ed “Have you brought lunch?” to Rajiv, Suresh and Mohan expecting a “no”, but gravely wishing “yes buddy, you take the poori and pulav”. Who was he kidding! “Five minutes from now the attack on the pulav would’ve begun.” To make matters worse his breakfast had been just a cup of milk from the canteen. A milk rich, not in protein or calcium, but in water! Involuntarily he started salivating and there was a giant rumble from his stomach. “Wait buddy! Lunch is on its way” he said to his stomach.

There was this mental picture of poori and pulav and somewhere within the depths of his stomach, yet another time pepsinogen took the well known path to the stomach. Coming out of the cell, it came down to the stomach and was surprised to see it empty. It searched for anyone familiar and found a few lipases. It waved a ‘hi’. Lipase smiled back.

“Hi then, How are you? I guess I was sent out too early.” said the pepsinogen.

“Dude I was sent from the pancreas. I guess it must’ve been one of those food thinking sessions of Raman. Anyways how’s the day going?” asked the lipase.

“Pretty well, I guess you did not have much work from morning. I was sent out in the morning expecting some work. But I guess Raman had one of those canteen milks. I did not have much to do.”

“Oh yeah! I saw you trying to work a little bit. My colleagues who came in the morning had to be sent out too, since there was nothing in our area of expertise.”

“Yup! This happens quite often these days and let me tell you dude, this is not doing any good to us and Raman. But then, we are not supposed to be sent “expecting” something, we are to be sent sensing something!”

From the ceiling of the stomach, there was a big turbulence. It seemed like the esophageal opening would give way anytime now to something, some food. Involuntarily, pepsinogen and lipase exchanged expectant looks at each other and shifted their gaze upwards towards the esophageal opening!

Merrily skating its way down ad laughing, out jumped the trio, mucin, amylase and lysozyme of the oral cavity.

“….and he could not stand for a moment in front of me! One swift fling through the air and the bacteria fell down all dead and lifeless! I almost hit the mouth wall with my sword, thankfully it did not happen” lysozyme had just finished flaunting one of his adventures.

“Dead and lifeless are the same, dude. This is called boasting and you could start with not talking too much about yourself to control it.” said amylase

“Well you are just jealous, You don’t have as much a heroic job as me! What would this system be without me. The mouth giving free entry passes to everything on earth.” He lowered his voice a bit. “Sometimes I’ve even seen amylases, mucins and even lysozyme of a completely different gene composition.” He lowered his voice further. "They say Raman is to be blamed for all these entry. You know…” and gave a sly smile and winked. “Anyway” he continued in his usual pompous tone “you don’t have idea what I have to deal with everyday!”

“Deal with? You know what it is to break a fatty acid with my hammer and dagger?” charged amylase

“Shut up! will you, guys? We have been summoned and none of us have work! Do you even bother to enquire?” Said mucin trying to bring things back on track.

“Its nice to see that atleast one of you have sense. So wat’s the plan? Are we expecting something?”

As lipase was saying this, there was a mild disturbance on the stomach walls and immediately everyone knew what was coming next. This movement on the stomach wall was typical of the arrival of the dreaded hydrochloric acid (HCl).

From the sides of the wall, the most feared HCl came to the stomach and slowly increased in its volume. “What’s happening here?” it roared and without giving time to prepare, whooshed towards the pepsinogen and converted it to pepsin before even it could shout “No food Ma’am, please wait”.

There was mayhem in the stomach and other enzymes ran haphazardly in all directions. The irritated enzymes took out their weapons they used to break the food and started hitting against the walls of the stomach. Hell was set loose and as a result, the stomach shook heavily, unable to bear the chaos.

………………….there was a giant rumble from his (Raman’s) stomach. “Wait buddy! Lunch is on its way” he said to his stomach.

His vision, almost blurry by now, sensed the professor looking at his watch and exclaiming something. He heard words like “doubts, next, see you.” There was a sudden increase in the level of noise in the class. His hands automatically reached for Ramya’s lunch box hidden under the table. One poori went inside the mouth, another one was safe in his hands; two more hands plunged into the box; damn this Suresh and Rajiv. The sensory organs started working again!

Deep within the stomach, among the tumultuous uproar of a dozen enzymes, there were wild exclamations of “Work time buddies!”