நாசமாய் போவதற்கு நான்கு வழி (Four ways to ruin yourself)

Sunday mornings are always the boring kind. You have a whole week ahead. You could freak out with your friends. You could just do the “cleaning shelf” work that has been due for, say since the time you were in school! You could search this long lost document of “great importance” that was last seen during the mughal era. Or...... you could prepare for a presentation that is due the next day, that is to say, the Monday morning!

Aha... now that’s the most important part and that’s exactly where the procrastination starts! How is so much time lost so easily?!? I mean it looks so amazing that 24 hours (okay let’s forget the 10 hours in the morning and the one hour in the night that goes off in the most blissful thing in this universe, sleeping) is gone in one pooh, just like that, like the snap of your finger! Before you get up from your bed, the morning is over and before you think of lunch it’s past lunch time! Being alone in the home, the next hour goes in cooking and lunch is over. By the time you realise that the day has progressed considerably, it’s evening and you have just a few hours to prepare for your talk. After a lot of hasty rushing, you prepare a few slides and “take a break” (no smiling here). The F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series in your DVD is too irresistible and the “break” is extended, out of proportion, obviously. Dinner time is thoroughly enjoyable with “kofee with Anu” and “Neeya Naana” (each program lasts for about an hour). Finally when the time comes to “get back to work”, you remember that you haven’t checked mail since morning! What an offense, what a sin! Gmail stares at you with Inbox(1). The only new mail is regarding “a so and so”, who has sent you request to join “a so and so social networking”. Just when you are about to sign off, you see your overseas buddy online and send a “hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” and that is that! The climax does not have any surprises. The usual one – another Sunday wasted. With this as the base, here I start a whole new scientific model on “four easy ways to go ruined”:

1. Watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. series when you have a whole lot of work ahead

2. Watch koffee with Anu and Neeya Naana when you evidently have other better jobs to do

3. Prepare your lunch at home, when the option of buying food from hotel is very much open

4. Meet your buddy online and start chatting

Here you go! Your Sunday is gone. There is nothing amazing in it, it’s all so simple! J

I get the best - Even bad days!

Me - “I want the corner seat”

Him - “No I want it!”

Me – “You sat there yesterday. Today it is my turn!”

The teacher entered the class. I gave up! I Glared at him and grudgingly occupied the place next to him.

Me – “You are encroaching into my area”

We had drawn a thick line with chalk to divide the area between us. Strictly business! The partition line we had drawn on the “sitting table” had got partly rubbed off and there was a clear chalk piece line on his blue school uniform.

“Okay” he said and moved his butt a few inches

I still envied him, sitting in the corner seat, a seat that was rightfully mine that day and I couldn’t accept defeat simply. The social science teacher continued with her boring class. I pushed his pen down the table and pretended like I did not know how a pen looked like! But he knew how his pen fell down and he was someone who would not accept defeat easily either. He glared at me. I gave an innocent look and started sleeping in the class as usual. After the teacher left the room, he took my pen and threw it down. Now that was situation there! I reached out to the nearest property that was his and threw it down. A book was lying on the floor. He did the same. I saw my pencil box in the air. As a looked at my items (a piece of rubber, one pen with a broken nib, one tiny pencil, one BMW car photo, one shakthiman photo stuck to the inside of the box cover, a roadside pebble that I thought had a unique shape), anger started boiling inside me. I took his pencil box and threw it against the wall. It an impressive move as his things went flying in all directions. A few minute of verbal abuse followed this incident and very easily we had to arrive at a concurrence. If I was the bright one with the sympathy of all the teachers, he was the tough and smart one who knew what should be done and what should not be. We parted with dignity-outwardly. After a lot of contemplation, I took back my contents from the floor. He did the same I guess! He changed his place the very next day. Fortunately, after two months he got shifted to another section! I decided I should never see him.

10 years later..

“Mom! No mood to go to office.”

“So you are taking leave? Can’t you tell this yesterday? I wouldn’t have got up early to prepare your lunch”

“I am going! I cant afford to take leave. I’ll go in bus”

“What kind of a shirt is this? You look like you’ve been unemployed”

“I told you no mood! Can’t search for a better clothing!”

“Atleast comb your hair”

“Mom, forget it, please”

With mom’s love in the lunch box as three boxes of lunch and snacks and an old shirt and unkempt hair, I started to my office that fine morning. I knew I looked like the typical unemployed graduate.

As I was standing on the bus stop I saw a very attractive bike. It was a Yamaha Fazer, a rich blue, with the words “Yes, I’ve got an attitude!” at the rear. I got my bus and it was very crowded as usual. I could not get into it and contented myself by standing on the second foot-board. At the next stop I did the typical “erangi erardhu”. Here again, I saw the blue fazer. He was trying to overtake the bus from left and had to stop as passengers started getting down. As I looked up to see who was riding the bike, I saw someone in a smart t-shirt and nice jeans. He gave me a very strange, curious look and hearing the “double right” I hastily got into the bus. The bus had almost started moving. The fazer man somehow looked very familiar to me. Only when I was nearing the office did I realise who it was! Yes, he was same person who had thrown my pencil box down 10 years ago.

What a bad way to encounter someone whom you had decided never again to see in your life. For a moment I imagined myself running behind him trying to prove that my present situation was not as bad as he had seen me in! I was living a decent life and was studying to get a degree that would be the highest for an academician! That day was just a wrong sample. By the end of the day, my mind had imbibed the incident.

At such a helpless situation, I cheered myself up saying that thing which losers, criminals, those with a vain-attitude would often say.

“What I am going to prove to him. I don’t care a damn about what the world would say! It’s only my attitude about me that counts”

Ennathha senju tholaikkai?!?(What else can one do?!?)

Conversation between a dad and his son

Son is combing his hair, getting ready to office

Dad – “Hey, is that a new shirt you are wearing?”

Son looks up from the mirror saying “Oh ya dad, wanted to show. This is the one my friends gave for my birthday!”

Dad (in an almost alarmed tone) – That shirt has a lot of wrinkles. Is that a new one? How much did it cost?

Son (with a smile) – No dad, It is supposed to be a wrinkled shirt. That reminds me. (shouts to the kitchen) Mom, remember you are not giving this shirt to dhobi for ironing.

No, acknowledgement. That was quite expected. She hardly knows what shirt the son is wearing. Plus, she is busy packing lunch. (This shirt is going for ironing in a week and all the costly wrinkles are going to vanish, pucca!)

Dad – How much was the cost?

Son- I thought I can pass that question! Anyways dad, I don’t know. There was no price tag. Can be easily 900 rupees.

Dad – So much for a damaged piece?!?

Son – Dad. Come on! It is not damaged. It has been done scientifically.

Dad – Anyways, what’s the.. (Stops sentence halfway. Looks at son’s jeans) What are those stains near the thigh and knee on your jeans.

Son – Oh.. They are folds dad! You know when I sit or walk, these are the places where the pant would fold and wrinkle automatically, to accommodate the movement of the legs. Those folds have been emphasized with these horizontal darker shades there

Dad (really confused expression) – So what is the point? Anyway those places are gonna get wrinkled when you walk.. and why are you wearing these jeans so low? Are you sure it won’t fall off? I don’t want my friends to see you half-naked on the streets.

Mom (joins in) – your lunch is ready son. And yes dear, I’ve seen guys wearing these stuffs! And sometimes it is so low that……………………. is visible

Son – Mom, pls. I’ve tucked in my shirt. I am safe. I mean… I am fine…. and comfortable…. and nothing… will happen to!

Mom and dad have a hearty laugh seeing their son’s embarrassment.

Dad – And how much did this cost? With special charges for the scientific wrinkles and the low waist? Technically, I think you can achieve this by buying the next sized jeans and physically wrinkling it. How does this idea sound?

Son (searches for words to form sentences on their own) – Hmmm.. hmmm.. there are too many questions and…. Am really getting late to my office!.... hmmm we’ll continue this in the evening!

Son grabs his lunch box, pulls out his bike keys and runs away! As he pulls out his bike, at the gate, he can hear the giggles of his mom and the smile on dad’s face!

Parents are parents!

Vijay entertains kids

It seems that the sensational hero of Tamil Nadu, Actor Vijay, has earned an extra feather in his already full cap. The all-entertaining hero is well known for his gimmicks and cheerful presence in the screen. But he reached new heights in his career when he entertained a six and a half month old infant.

Siddhart is a resident of Madipakkam, a haven of a suburb in south Chennai. On Sunday when he was spending a lighter moment with his six and a half month old infant nephew, he realised what a mass entertained actor vijay is. Siddhart reported that he was watching the music release of vijay’s upcoming blockbuster “Sura” when the incident happened.

His nephew started crying suddenly when Siddhart was playing with him (Siddhart clearly denies any correlation between his playing with baby and its crying; the two incidents are coincidental). Every member in the home tried every possible thing that would cheer up the baby, but nothing helped. There was a constant uncomfortable moan from the baby. Obviously with the baby crying, no one paid attention to the blaring TV. Then the miracle happened! Sura’s music release function started and there he was, on the television, with all his limbs in air, a kerchief tied around his forehead, with his hair as shining as a grey painted coconut husk, with the glamorous smile on his face, he was showing a stunning display of his “action" performance. The whole trailer played and like magic, the crying child grew increasingly silent and by the end of the trailer, he actually started laughing! When he told “I’ll not be any ordinary man when I join you folks”, the child actually choked in laughter. Kudos to Vijay! We immediately logged on to youtube and got the video. The whole day, without its usual un-cooperation to eat and sleep, the child obliged to crawl, eat, drink and sleep very happily. The family grew very happy for Vijay and his powerful entertainment.

“we won’t accept anyone as the hero; he is the one for us!” says Siddhart, a happy man now.

Reports of Vijay entertaining the household have been happening in the past; but things like this have never been heard of before.

When asked about this to Vijay himself, he says “Ya! That comes with being a star. I have a formula and a target audience when I make a film. A good actor needs to understand the psychology of his fans and give what is expected of him. I think I full filled that; and this day will be an unforgettable one in my life. It’s a nice and happy feeling to know that I’ve entertained a child which cannot even understand language!”

“DEY.. WHO IS THAT INTERRUPTING... CAN’T YOU HEAR THAT I AM TALKING..” he yells at someone. Our reporter knows better than to stay there any longer.

Hats off to your selfless contributions to the society! May you grow more famous with a long life and more mind-blowing performances!

Yaarenna Sonnalum

Here is a song that I happened to hear in the recent past and fell in love with lyrics! Hope my translation is okay. I’ve given the crux for some of the lines; I could not understand some of the words in those lines! Help/improvements are most welcome!

யார் என்ன சொன்னாலும் அஞ்சாதே நஞ்சமே

அய்யன் கருணையை பாடு

இராக ஆலாபன்முடனும் பாடு-முடிந்தால்

அடவோடும் ஜதியோடும் ஆடு

அருமையென வந்த பிறவிகளோ-பல

ஆயிரம் தந்தாலும் வருமோ ஆதலின்

(யார் என்ன)

நாரத நாதமும் வேதமும் நாண்

ஞான குழல் ஒன்று ஊதுவன்

நீரதர் கழல் ஆட கோபியரும் பாட

வெகு நேர் நேர் என சொல்லி தான் ஆடுவான்

அந்த அய்யன் கருணையை பாடு

தோலை அறிந்து கனி தூர எறிந்து வெறும்

தோலை துணிந்து ஒருவன் தந்தான் அல்லவோ?

மேலை பிடி அவலை வேணுமென்றே தெரிந்து

விரும்பி ஒருவன் அன்று தந்தான் அல்லவோ?

காலமெல்லாம் தவம் இருந்து கனிந்த கனி

கடித்து சுவைத்து ஒருவள் தந்தாள் அல்லவோ?- இந்த

ஞாலமும் ஆயிரம் சொன்னாலும் நாம் அதை

'நமக்கெதற்கு' என்று சொல்லி நாமமும் ஆயிரம்

சொல்லி சொல்லி அய்யன் கருணையை பாடு

Whatever the world around says,

Fear not my heart, you sing the praise of my lord!

Make it into a song and croon it with raga and an orchestra!

If you can, even dance to the beats of the tune!

The rarest of the births, the lovely human form you have taken,

What shall you be in his further creations, you don’t know – hence

(Whatever the world around says)

To the embarrassment of Narada’s veena and to that of the Vedas,

An enchanting melody would escape his divine flute

As he follows the gopikas' song with the beats of his anklets,

He admires the dance and joins the celebration with them

(Such is the Krishna’s praise that you will sing)

There was this man who presented you with the rind of a fruit, casting the fruit away

Even after he laboriously peeled the fruit off its rind!

And there was this friend of yours who allegedly, but

Lovingly offered you with just a fistful of simple pressed rice

And there was this ripe, old woman, who had been chanting your name all her life,

Offered you only the berries that tasted ripe to her aged lips and teeth!

When such praise my lord has, who would heed to what the world says?

Even if the world annoys you in a thousand ways let’s not just say “I don’t care”,

But chant his name in a thousand other ways and sing his praise into eternity!

Footnotes:

The first two lines refer to a story from “The Mahabharatha”. Once Lord Krishna visits Vidhuran, the (only, probably!) wise Minister of Dritharashtra’s court. Vidhuran ceremoniously welcomes Krishna with the vagaries of a minister’s reception. Vidhuran himself takes care of the lord and offers fruits to Krishna which the lord happily accepts. Vidhuran, lost in his admiration for Krishna, peels the rind of the banana, throws away the fruit and offers the rind to the lord. The smiling Krishna takes the rind without a word. Accepting the rind, the lord also accepts Vidhuran’s Bakthi. Vidhura realises his mistake and apologises for which the lord simply says “your fruits are not as sweet as their peels, Vidhura! I enjoyed the rind more”

The next two lines refer to the story of Kuselan. This childhood friend of Krishna in his low times, decides to visit the lord, seeking financial help. But Kuselan, poverty stricken, has nothing to carry as gift and is reluctant to go empty-handed. He manages to get just a fistful of puffed and pressed rice (aval). With a lot of apprehension he visits Krishna and is delighted to see Krishna leading a successful life in a palace. Krishna still remembers his childhood buddy and gives him a king’s reception. Krishna asks for a gift playfully and Kuselan gives all that he has brought. Krishna accepts this simple token of love and relishes the offering like a heavenly meal.

The next story is about Sabari, an old woman who appears in “The Ramayana”. Lord Rama during his exile in the Dandakaranya forest visits this old woman, Sabari. Delighted at her luck that brought the lord himself to this simple woman’s abode, Sabari who had been chanting the lord’s name and waiting for his arrival to this place, gets fresh berries for the lord to eat. Consumed by her devotion, she bites every berry to check if it is ripe and sweet and offers only the best ones to Rama. In her love, she does not even realise that she is offering half-bitten berries to the lord. Rama, is not offended by this action of Sabari and relaxes under her innocent care.

Being alone – Rameshwaram

This happened when I was posted in the Rameshwaram branch of my office for a month

Then one day, I found this unused washing machine in the bathroom. Srikanth, who had stayed before me in that room, had warned me about how “shaky” the machine was. For the first few days it did not catch my attention. Then one day I came back home after my evening stroll and found that I had to wash a week’s worth of clothes. That included every little thing from my handkerchief to my most formal trousers. For a second, I thought about the “Brut” perfume I saw in one of the shops in the main bazaar. Then shook the thought off my head and took up the task. After all I would never get the chance of staying alone and washing my clothes in future (at least till I get married; in that case it wouldn’t be “just” my clothes I would need to wash). So I found this shiny unused washing machine and thought I can experiment with it. But this extra bright thought stuck - What if my clothes get stuck or worse get torn in this not-so-trustworthy washing machine? Wicked! I pulled out the curtain fluttering from the window. Some where from the depths of my mind the righteous Sid asked me if it was okay to experiment with someone else’s property. After all, all is fair and love and who said only war. So, there I was facing my washing machine. I didn’t understand head or tail of the thing I had in front of me. But painfully it was the same model as I found in my own home. If only I had been around when they used this gadget back home! For a moment, I thought of calling home. Then I got reminded of the girl with the sweet voice who would say “You do not have sufficient bal……” (Please take the honours of completing the line) if I try to call anyone from my mobile. I went around the room searching for some sort of manual that could have possibly accompanied the machine. Damn! The room was very clean. Not a litter in any corner. I put the guinea-cloth in the tub and I looked around for an “on” button. There were only two operable buttons. One “auto-on/off” and the other with a symbol of “play/pause” (Excuse me I thought I thought I was dealing with a washing machine. Not a DVD player). I found a pipe running between the water tap and the rear of the washing machine. “So” I thought “I should just put in the clothes and press the (only) two buttons and walk away”. I did what I thought. After what seemed like half an hour (Did I hear a buzzer? Am I supposed to have heard? I didn’t know). I went in to see if everything was okay and found the bathroom flooded. I half expected “moaning myrtle” to pop out of a corner saying “I was expecting you’ll come and see your clothes. He he he!”. But nothing happened. Mission successful. I took out the cloth and put it to dry on a table. Then I put in some of my clothes into the tub and walked back to my room. I had hardly sat on my cot when boom.. there was a power cut. I had other pressing matters in my mind now. I had my half cooked rice in my electric cooker and a whole host of things to buy for the next day (Soap, rice, washing powder). Half an hour later my room lights suddenly were lit and television started singing. In my relief I went out got my things, ate and slept.

The following evening, I suddenly realized that some of my clothes were missing and bang.. I ran to the washing machine. There the lights of the machine were off and there was no movement in it (I didn’t expect that there would be any). I peered into the tub and caught the angry look from my contorted clothes. With a sulky expression, as I looked at my stinking shirts and trousers, I could hear the smirk and laughter from the guinea curtain cloth, now neat, dry and with an unmistakably good stench (at least when compared to my clothes).

This in other words is called “Karma”. Grrrrrrrrrr

Perspectives!

One incident; neither to be blamed; but the fact remains....

He passes by the supermarket. He is reminded of something he should buy. He stops his bike. He switches off his bike. He looks back. The road is empty except for a young girl walking just behind. He assumes that she will move and pushes the vehicle a few steps back for a parking space. He turns the vehicle to face the supermarket and releases his bike stand. He finds a rock just under his bike stand and tries to move it with his shoes. It doesn’t seem to budge. He gets down, lifts the rear of his bike and places it back at a new place. Now, the ground is too low for the vehicle to stand steady. He manhandles it to a new place which happens to be just an inch away from the original place with the rock. He parks his bike comfortably. With a victorious smile of accomplishing this parking feat, he locks his bike and turns around. He finds the young girl still standing there rather close to his bike. “Why is she standing alone in this dark? Probably boyfriend”. But to his surprise she gives him a dirty look. He winces, shoots her back a dirty look and walks away. “Dunno what is running in her mind. Girls can sometimes be impossible”.

She is walking alone on the road by a supermarket. She notices a guy in a bike suddenly stopping few yards in front of her. She finds the road pretty empty except for this guy and a few vehicles passing by. Just when her thoughts are drifting away, she finds this guy looking back at the length of the road and also giving her a casual glance. He pushes his bike a few steps back and finds a parking space. Just when she is about to cross him, he virtually blocks her way and lifts his vehicle to a new place. “Wants to show off that he is a Hercules”. She tries to move again but he is still meddling with his bike stand and doesn’t seem to let her pass. “What an arrogance!”. This time she is determined to cross him and go on with her work. She sees that he has parked his bike and still, it hasn’t moved much from the original place. “What is he doing lifting the bike and keeping it at the same place? To what extent can guys go to show off!”. He successfully parks his bike and turns back. “Look at that smile at having successfully irritated a girl.” Her thoughts indexed on her face as a dirty look of contempt. But, to her surprise she sees a dirty look creeping across his face too. He walks away. She winces. “Dunno what is running in his mind. Guys can sometimes be impossible”

The fact remains that there was a guy, a rock and an uncomfortable parking area; a girl, a guy blocking her path lifting his vehicle and a look of contempt exchanged!